The Flow Prompter of humbled comes from a place opposite defensive. Defensiveness is like a version of the devil that fills in all the spaces to which we pay no attention.
Seek out Defensiveness
It's funny that to deny being defensive is a defensive act in and of itself! If someone perceives defensiveness then that is their perception whether you felt it or not. Finding the love and humility in these moments will bring you the healing joy and connection that we are seeking.
Assignment: Use the ten lines of this the chart below list out 10 things about which you tend to get defensive. Use 5 horizontal boxes of this chart to map each step you would take to move from being defensive to accepting and enlightened about each of the 10 scenarios. Chart your progress with hashmarks in each box overtime to experience any phase towards progress.
Review and add to this list every morning when you wake up and every evening before going to bed. With dedication and practice, you can learn to move beyond being defensive towards a place that is more humble in areas that you may feel that you don’t have much control.
Along the way you may need some assistance — ideas to use when you are feeling stuck on one of the steps with no apparent way forward. On the back (or second page) are some suggestions that may provide your heart and mind with new perspectives from which to view your challenges. By looking at these challenge from these new angles, your mind automatically begins to think differently. With different thinking comes new possibilities, and that’s what we are after. They are listed here below as well.
- Practice taking two steps back from easy-to-criticize details of any situation. Whether it be out driving, or listening to the media, or having a conversation. Step back and pause to think for a moment about all of the influences that may be affecting the way someone is acting. Think through the gentle options for handling your thoughts at those moments.
- Create a specific space in your home for this chart. If it suits you, frame or laminate the chart. Make this your special place for quiet and honest contemplation. Set a timer and spend 5 minutes a day writing about use one of the items on your list while you are in this space. Each day chose a different item upon which to focus.
- Make a habit of complimenting one person each day. Whether in person or online, seek out one person and compliment them. It might be a physical feature, like what they are wearing or the twinkle of their eyes. It might be something they said a while ago and you are just remembering it now. It might be that you imagine great potential for this person and want to reach out and tell them.
- In the spirit of improv comedy try the game of eliminating the word “No, actually . . . ” from conversations with yourself and others and replace it with “Yes, and . . .”
- Create a playlist about being gentle with oneself. Research the type of sound waves that are scientifically proven to create self affirmation and include some off those Binaural Systems enhancing tracks on your playlist.
- Think of the one thing that you can actually do right now that would make more than one other thing be unnecessary and go do it.
- Create an imaginary dinner where you could could join 7 people from any point in history at the same table. Carefully consider what kind of energy and intrigue each person would bring to the table. Once your table is set, and your people chosen, go back around and imagine what each of these people might be defensive about in their time and write it down. Similarly, write down the one thing about which each person would be likely be extremely humble about for whatever reason you could imagine.
- Name your top 10 fears and put them in order from most “real", or physically probable to least “real”, meaning that the fear exists more in your head than in the physical world. For example, one might be afraid of Teddy Bears based on a very bad experience with Teddy Bears growing up. To that person, the fear is real and valid in their own mind, but not likely to be considered a probable danger in the physical world.
- Create a drawing or photo collage for each item on your list. Even. If you think you can’t draw, the act of attempting to use stick figures and similar rudimentary drawing tools to illustrate your challenge physically unlocks new neural gateways in the brain and will create surprising new perspectives if you allow it to.
- Forgive one person a day for as many days in a row as possible. Your forgiveness need not be in person. You may forgive them by writing their name or their initials on a list and the transgression for which you are forgiving them. See how many days in a row you can go without missing a day. If the chain is broken, start over. The people may be celebrities, or people you know, or people you have read about in the news or on TV. Search your world for opportunities to forgive. Be sure to feel a genuine sense of forgiveness for this person or organization at the time. If you are not ready to forgive them, move on and return to them the the time is right.